they never had a chance
"Your dress is too short."
Thanks, the designer used your dick for inspiration.
OH MYG OD
if i lay here
if i just lay here
would you get me my charger because my laptop is about to die
I play the keyboard in a band called The Internet
"hey buddy did you know that impersonating an police officer is a first offence and can land you in jail?"
*high-pitched annoying cop voice* hey buddy did you know that impersonating a police officer is a first offence and can land you in jail
Anniversary Prank Backfires!
im not crying there’s just overpriced college education in my eye
imagine if your fridge did what you do to it everyday, every half hour goes to your room opens the door and stares at you for 5 minutes then leaves
there are approximately 1,013,913 words in the english language but i could never string any of them together to explain how much i want to hit you with a chair.
i ordered pizza and i was like ‘hey sorry you have to work on thanksgiving’ to the delivery girl and she was like ‘i feel worse for the person ordering pizza on thanksgiving’ ouch
Payback is a bitch.
i want to be able to say “???????????” in real life but all i can do is give this extremely expressive look of confusion and mild indignation
why develop feelings for people when you can just walk into traffic and achieve the same results